OVERVIEW

When my oldest daughter was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer at age seventeen, I gave no thought of helping her treatment with nutritional supplements. When my wife was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in September, 2008, I thought a great deal about this, after the shock passed. I talked with her doctors but could not get any specific direction. I explored the internet to get some help. The complexities and opposing views were greatly confusing and discouraging.

Dealing with her mother’s cancer brought back memories for my daughter of her three and a half years of treatment. So she also explored the internet for help and hope. She located Dr. Christie Yerby in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. She is a Naturopathic Doctor and, she had received training in a holistic cancer treatment center. I made contact with her and provided her with all of my wife’s medical records and lab results.

Through telephone and email contact, Dr.Yerby outlined foods to eat and not to eat, supplements to take and not take. One of the first things I learned was to STOP THE SUGAR, as it tends to feed the cancer cells. This also meant stopping some of her vitamins and protein mix. There were also certain minerals that were to be avoided. Although there were some general supplements that we used, the products that I personally feel were the most helpful were Cellular Forte with IP-6 and Inositol (to increase activity of natural killer cells), Daily Antioxidants and Green Tea Extract. We ordered all of these through a company called Emerson Ecologics. Dr. Yerby also approved a supplement I was taking called MaxGXL. This is a Glutathione Accelerator. Glutathione is produced by our bodies and is the body’s “Master Antioxidant.” In 60 days it will increase a person’s production of Glutathione by an average of 270%. So this has to be good for your body, especially when it is fighting a battle for its life.

The Tumor Count for my wife, Rodema, was 646 when she had her first surgery in early September. In December it was 216. When she had her second surgery in early March, 2009 it was 53. Her journey has been difficult and painful, but successful.

I do not think anyone can specifically know the impact the nutritional supplements had on her recovery. I do believe they were an important part of her recovery. There were many other factors involved. First of all was her faith and the prayers of many who knew how to truly intercede in prayer. I can not imagine how any person and family could go through such an experience with out a strong Christian faith and prayer support. She also had enormous support from her family and friends. And she had excellent medical care at Duke University Hospital and at the Cancer Center at Alamance Regional Medical Center.

These thoughts that I have shared are to stimulate your interest and inspire hope if you or someone you know is facing a battle with cancer. This is by no means to prescribe a specific plan of action or treatment. I am in no way qualified to do this. I am simply telling the story of our experience.

I am encouraging you to go on your own journey of discovering the resources you need – faith and prayer, people and groups for support, diet and supplement guidance from highly qualified sources and the best medical care you can get that you completely trust. I would suggest that you start in your on community. Talk with the people at your local hospital, call your local United Way, ask, ask, and ask. You will probably be surprised about the resourses and support that is available.

We were talking about death and about angels. My sister, Suzie, told the story of holding the two month old, quiet, little, breathless body and rocking her. Suzie held her, even though she was gone.

She asked, “Do you get tired of hearing my hospital stories, about my year as a chaplain?”

“No,” I answered. “Of course not. I love the way you wear your heart on your sleeve.”

Me…I wear mine buried under layers of vintage and “on sale,” balanced by certified Fair Trade accessories. Those make me feel better about the “on sale,” but the truth is the same. She wears her heart and I, too often, cover mine.

When she told me, woke me, a few months earlier, at six in the morning with, “They think Mom has cancer,” what did I do? I did everything I was supposed to do. I gasped, I cried, and then I went to work. Later I made phone calls, I sent messages, I gave updates, I graded papers, graded papers, graded papers, folded clothes when I could, got up and did it all again.

Suzie had had cancer too. She was only seventeen, then. She made it though. Why was this happening again? Why was it all so familiar and all so strange? I sat in the corner of the den, looking up at my shelves, surrounded by my books. Where could I be safer? If only they could keep me, and I could stay there, surrounded by stories, stories which end as they should.

I volunteered to stay at the hospital the first night after Mom’s surgery. I thought my soon coming fall break schedule was best suited. I thought I should. It was not until after the surgery that I wondered if I could. My resolve began to falter, but it was too late. My bag was packed and no one else’s.

I sat up most of the night, watching her drug induced sleep. When she woke I held her hand and told her I was proud of her and I loved her. I swabbed her dry mouth and wiped her pale face, at least it was something I could do. I knew what she did not. It had only been somewhat successful. There was more, more that could not come out without more risk of damage. But she was here. She still breathed. The machines beeped and clicked and seemed to breathe too. Recovery? Chemotherapy? Those were far in the future. I only wondered, “Will I be strong enough to last the night? Am I the best one to be here now?” I tried to read. I tried to sleep, the sheets slipping out of the chair with every turn. I listened to music. It was the only sound that did not remind me of the hospital and it was my company in the too sterile room.

The days passed. Others stayed too: my sister, my brother, my father, my aunts. We tried for around the clock coverage and felt sorry for those patients who always seemed to be alone in their rooms. I slept, graded papers, went to work, graded papers, went to the hospital, and graded papers. The mundane and the horrific melded together and I let them. I simply let them.

Suzie asked, “Will Mom be okay?”

“Yes, of course,” I answered. Then I smiled, “You know what you need?”

“What?”
“You need papers to grade. Then you wouldn’t have so much time or energy to think about other things.” It was an attempt at humor, but it was really a cover. I had turned the conversation instead of addressing the question.

Slowly I sank and sank and when it was too much I folded in, like one of those inflatable yard decorations. I was emptied and why? I felt that everything alive was being beaten. I tried to make it all numb. I tried to keep up everything, everything except letting it show, my heart hidden under layers of doing and not being. I was only surviving, not living. I could cry, but could not cry out. It was a broken silence. I gave up even trying to explain. We were all breaking.

But somewhere in that broken silence, there were the voices of friends who would not give up on me. There would be a message waiting, or a little note, reminding me they were there, even when they could not be there.

There were those students who kept asking about my Mom and waited patiently for their papers. I did not have to explain. They simply waited. They understood. They even began to tell me their stories.

Hardly a day went by that a co-worker did not ask about Mom. When I sat in the office and told Mr. Kerns, his jaw dropped and his fists hit the arm rests of his chair as he gasped, “Oh…my…God.” It was surprise. It was a just anger. How could this happen?

A flicker stayed alive. It was warmed by a Christmas candle and, when my friend Laura came to visit, she brought the California sun for New Year’s. We went to museums and to Old Salem, learning and laughing. History and travel give perspective and Laura and I met teaching in Beijing. She helped me to see beyond myself, again.

Momotaj does that too. She is “my little girl” in Bangladesh. I sponsor her education and care through Compassion. We write letters too. When her last letter arrived she said, “I enjoyed hearing about your father and your mother.” Now she is a part of my family too. I know she is one less who will starve, who will be sold, who will go without an education and I am helping her and she is helping me.

I read and read and always keep reading. The authors keep me alive too. What would I do without C. S. Lewis, Madeleine L’Engle, and George MacDonald? Is it possible that a Victorian could have known exactly what I needed to hear, one hundred years or so before I did? Yet, we communicate and what is time then?

When the early spring came, I had a few days with my books in the sun. I heard the waters in the creek and the sounds of the trees, still living, and I remembered that I am alive too and she is alive too. She is alive and doing well. She is laughing, painting, telling stories, and bringing us all together. Now, when Mom and I have breakfast together, she holds my hand and tells me she is proud of me.

All of these things, together, have become broken silences. Not complete, not whole, yet, but pulling me back to life and living. This weekend I walked into the new house of an old friend. We sat and talked, and ate and talked, and laughed and talked. We can still finish each other’s sentences. Amy is stability. We have known each other since we were six. We talked about my mother, still here, and about her mother, gone for years now; it was a car accident. We can talk about all of those things, now, and it is good to remember. We do not try to hide the pain with laughter. We let them both come.

After lingering over a late lunch at Amy’s, we finally pulled ourselves away from the table. We had a friend who was playing across town and, although Amy said she liked to try to beat the GPS time, I preferred to just leave early. We found The Well without problems and saw Tom unloading sound equipment from his van. We said hello and headed in the back, up questionable stairs, into a dim room which opened on a coffee house and floor level stage. There were paintings on the walls, strings of white lights, and mix matched furniture. Amy and I both had the feeling that the place was familiar, although we knew we had never been there before. The room held a sort of expectancy. It was as if it knew I would leave feeling better than when I came in.

We settled into comfortable chairs near the front. Suzie coaxed us into it and I was glad. Amy and I would have stayed a few tables behind. Tom began to sing and play and somewhere between “Resisting” and “It Is Over,” a few more layers lifted. There is something inexplicably beautiful in the music that wraps around and binds us all together, reminding me what friendship is. It is laughter, it is memory, it is suffering together, it is parting, it is meeting, it is rejoicing, it is forgiveness. It is found in the quiet and it is in the broken silences. My broken silences, when only God can hold me, and the other broken silences, when the silence, itself, is broken and life rushes in with laughter, and sighs, and songs.

That is why Suzie, Amy, and I were talking about death and angels sometime in the early hours of the morning. It was followed by snacks and less serious fare for discussion. But I realized I needed to share, to be. Life did not stop with Mom’s diagnosis. If anything, it became a little more vivid, more real, and that is nothing I need to hide. So there is one more silence I am breaking now. It is my own.

As I was drinking my hot tea, relaxing and watching TV, my mom turned it to “60 Minutes.” I really did not want to watch it. However they were doing a story about cancer patients being left to die because the community hospital has to cut back. The hospital stopped the infant care center, women’s health, cancer center and dialyses. The cancer patients were notified by a letter. All of the people interviewed were hard working, middle class Americans who were not poor enough or rich enough to receive life saving treatments. And this is happening in Las Vegas (known for its lack of money) …ok, right… Now this really hit home because I had cancer 16 yrs ago, and my mom is fighting it right now! And what in the world would I do if she could not receive her treatment? Well my first reaction is to feel like screaming and to get angry…but what would I really do? What can we really do? At this point I am not sure… tell friends and family, pray, petition, call government officials? I don’t know this is a process of learning, praying and doing…but I had to do something to help myself process this so I am writing.

The next story was of a man who was survived several years of horrifying torture in Iran and his escape to the United States. I was so upset after the two stories I felt sick. Then there was a news update commercial about how the movie “Fast and Furious” had made 72.5 million this weekend. Where are our priorities and what do we really care about? I was taken on an emotional rollercoaster from painful sadness to heart break to disbelief. But hey, we still have the movies to keep this great country of ours going…Who needs cancer treatment centers, when we can gamble and have a fun night with a prostitute, yes and watch a movie classic like “Fast and Furious?”

For more information go to the link below…

The Recession’s Impact: Closing The Clinic

HFCS has replaced sugar as the sweetener in many beverages and foods. A high consumer can take in about 20 teaspoons of HFCS per day. Mercury was found most commonly in HFCS used in dairy products, dressings and condiments. The use of mercury contaminated caustic soda in the production of HFCS is common.

Sources:
Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy January 36, 2009
Washington Post January 26 2009
Environmental Health January 2009, 8:2

How Does Mercury Get Into Corn Syrup?

Although the makers of HFCS like to claim that it is natural, it is actually a highly refined product that would never exist in nature. The way it is manufactured involves an extensive process, one step of which is to separate corn starch from the corn kernel. Caustic soda is used, among other things, to do this, and for decades mercury-grade caustic soda produced in industrial chlorine (choir-alkali) plants has been used for this purpose. Because mercury cells are used to produce some caustic soda, the caustic soda may become contaminated, and ultimately transfer that Mercury contamination to the HFCS in your soda, salad dressing, soup, cereal, and so on.

“Mercury is toxic in all its forms. Given how much high fructose corn syrup is con- sumed by children, it could be a significant additional source of mercury never before consid- ered. We are calling for immediate changes by industry and the FDA to help stop this avoid- able mercury contamination of the food supply.” David Wallinga, M.D.

Why Consuming Mercury is a Bad Idea

Mercury acts as a poison to your brain and nervous system. This is especially dangerous for pregnant women and small children, whose brains are still developing. If infants or fetuses are exposed to mercury, it can cause: mental retardation, Cerebral Palsy, deafness and blindness. Even in low amounts, Mercury can interfere with a child’s development, leading to shortened attention span and learning disabilities.

In adults, Mercury poisoning can be a serious risk as well, and has been linked to fertility problems, memory and vision loss, and trouble with blood pressure regulation. It can also cause extreme fatigue and neuro-muscular dysfunction, as experienced recently by Chicago actor Jeremy Piven. Further studies show that mercury in your central nervous system (CNS) causes psychological, neurological and immunological problems including: arrhythmias and cardiomyopathies, tremors, insomnia, personality changes, irritability, headaches, weakness, blurred vision, slowed mental response and unsteady gait.
To make matters worse, mercury bonds very firmly to structures in your CNS. Unless actively removed, it has an extremely long half-life of somewhere between 15 and 30 years in the CNS! What this means is that consuming mercury contaminated HFCS is probably cumulative, with the damage adding up over time.

Mercury is Not the Only Reason to Avoid HFCS

The fact that HFCS-sweetened food and drinks may contain mercury is enough to make everyone avoid them. Part of what makes HFCS such an unhealthy product is that it is metabolized to fat in your body far more rapidly than any other sugar, and because most fructose is consumed in liquid form (soda), its negative metabolic effects are significantly magnified. Among them are: Diabetes, obesity Metabolic Syndrome, increased triglycerides and LDL (bad) cholesterol levels and liver diseased.

Fructose also contains no enzymes, vitamins or minerals, and it leeches micronutrients from your body. Unbound fructose, which if found in large quantities in HFCS, can interfere with your heart’s use of minerals such as magnesium, copper and chromium. Last but not least, HFCS is almost always made from genetically modified corn, which is fraught with its own well documented side effects and health concerns, such as increasing the risk of developing a food allergy to corn.

Want to Ditch HFCS?

If you’re healthy, occasional use of small amounts of corn syrup is not going to cause any health catastrophes. However, most people are not eating corn syrup in moderation. In 2007, Americans consumed an average of 56 ponds of HFCS each! A large part of this was most likely from soda, which, again is the number one source calories in the Unite States. So if you are looking to cut back on HFCS, immediately the best thing to do is to limit or eliminate soda and sugary drinks from your diet. This dangerous sweetener is also in many processed foods and fruit juices, so to avoid it completely you need to focus your diet on whole foods. If you do purchase processed foods, make sure you read the label, and put it back on the shelf it is lists high-fructose corn syrup as an ingredient-especially if it is the first or second highest labeled ingredient.
Information source

For additional information go to the Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy
www.iatp.org

The sabotage defined. There is an understanding that is an absolute MUST for meaningful and effective communication with family, friends, neighbors, employees-everyone! It is simple but not always easy and it also is something that our children desperately need to know.

Our thoughts (mental processing) and our feelings (emotional processing) can not be confused or switched.

Obviously both of the thinking and feeling functions add greatly to our lives and are extremely important, but different. When people think with their emotions and feel with their thoughts communication is confused and a poor quality of decision making and relationships are inevitable. Simple examples of the two ways these functions get switched follows. When children are being difficult and behaving inappropriately, parents can get so frustrated that their emotions “drown out” their thinking and they can make unsound and even dangerous decisions related to managing the children. Or when there is such intense and often painful emotions it is easy to block them out and function out of our thoughts, almost pretending we do not have a great deal of feelings. This denies us the richness of our emotions and the opportunity to learn from them, to integrate them into our understanding of the situation and our selves.Thinking with our feelings. There are many reasons that our emotions get so intense that they “short circuit” our thinking and take over. Sometimes it can be a very difficult and traumatic situation, a chronic and seemingly hopeless situation, a certain person, etc. It can be that this is the way important adults handled things when we were growing up or a major trauma in childhood. All of us do this “thinking with our emotions” sometimes to some degree. It is when it is a standard way of operating or when it is seriously intense that relationships suffer, especially with our children, and even our jobs and perhaps even staying out of jail!

Feeling with our thoughts. When we feel with our thoughts it is usually not so obvious, intense and with such immediate negative consequences as when we think with our feelings. Over time it tends to create an isolation from our selves and from others. We can get to the place that we do not know what we feel and may not be aware of this. So when we need this part of ourselves to help us make decisions about things or relationships, it is not available and decisions will be made lacking valuable information from our feeling self.

An alert! Be keenly aware that in both of these situations we can be in such deep stress that we are beyond “self help” methods. When our functioning makes us an emotional or physical danger to others or ourselves it is clearly time to get ourselves to a professional health care provider. And, when we are not sure, consult with a professional qualified to help.

Where to start? What to do starts in a similar place for both of these reversals. After these first steps very different strategies may be needed. Awareness and self knowledge are where most change starts. We need to consider meaningful feedback from others we trust and trust the feedback we are getting from ourselves! There can be this “deer in the headlight” moment when we sense that we are off track, not doing well, stuck. With this awareness there needs to be an increased willingness to gather more information. When we have a situation where we are emotionally reactive or when we are hurting someone because we do not know or are not using our own emotions, the people involved can become a valuable resource. The problem is that they need to be objective, rather well functioning and trustworthy people. If they are not, seek out someone who is able to listen, give feed back and support. Read good “self help” material that is informative and supportive of the changes you need to make. Writing down your thoughts and feelings, with a deliberate effort to distinguish between the two, is extremely helpful. Also any type of reflective, claming activity helps release the information from yourself that you need to know about yourself.

The next step for those who feel with their thoughts. The continuation of this general direction is usually needed and helpful for those who are not comfortable feeling their feelings, especially the writing and journaling. There is a “thawing out” and getting to know yourself that is critical. To continue to make progress there is a “safety” issue to resolve. Each person must “pull together” individuals, family members, groups, spiritual and sometimes professional resources that are solidly supportive. These become the cheering squad to continue this sometimes painful push into ourselves and sometimes into our safety net, when things are really difficult. Moving faster in becoming aware of ourselves than building our cheering squad and safety net is not at all a wise thing to do! However, staying in control prevents us from learning the things we need to learn and doing the things we need to do. Learning to tolerate being “out of our comfort zone” is difficult and necessary but not recommended as a solo adventure.

The next step for those who think with their feelings. For those whose emotions flood and take over their thinking there is this terrible thing called “taking responsibility.” It is not a warm fuzzy phrase and not always “politically correct” but absolutely unavoidable. When our emotions flood all over our thinking and contaminate it, they also flood all over the people around us and contaminate them! This does not draw people to us any more than a toxic, polluted lake invites swimmers. So, after some level of awareness there needs to be a realization that things have to be different. The problem is this is not easy and often if we could do this we would have already done it. Taking this seriously, learning new strategies and skills, failing and bouncing back are all a part of the “rewiring” process. This enables us to at first “contain” our emotions and then to “drain” and rework our feelings so our thinking can help us manage them. This to may require support, a safety net and professional help.

Stop! Count to ten, take ten deep, deep breaths, go straight to the bath room and put yourself in time out, take a vow of silence, grab paper and pen and starting writing as fast as a speeding bullet. DO SOMETHING. However, it is way too late to think of something to do once the emotions start escalating and taking over. We must have a clear plan that is “doable” for us. But whatever is needed to be done, do it. Daily or hourly affirm the needed commitment to do it. We have to stop the emotional escalation, both within ourselves and between us and others. When others are involved, then others have to be a part of the plan. (This will be dealt with in more detail in a later blog.)

It is somewhat like a flooded basement. Our first goal is to stop the flowing water before it gets to the electric box with fuses and breakers. When the water gets to the circuits they will blow. With our “mental circuits” safe, we can ask our thinking to help us, and give it permission to do so. There may be a temptation for the emotions to switch to intense guilt, sadness or hopelessness. All of this is just another form of “flooding” our thinking and we need our thinking! There are a variety of options at this point and all involve taking responsibility for our part of our emotional reactivity. Then, or soon, it can be helpful to “review” the sequence of what happened from what triggered the situation to how it ended. What were our thoughts and feelings? When could we have done something different with both? What have we learned? What do we need to say to others that were effected?

Usually, further understanding needs to be developed on the “triggers.” Exactly what were they? What was it about what was said or done that pushed our emotional button? Get as clear as possible about this. This contains much of the “raw material” that needs to be thought through, cleared out, finished with, forgiven-whatever is needed-to avoid this intense emotional reactivity. This is not always quick or easy. But when our buttons are pushed, we take responsibility and immediately go back to our “flooding control” strategies. We must quickly get some boundaries on our run away emotions. As we do this and have some success, it increases our skill level as well as our sense of confidence and worth.

The energy for change comes from the “positive side.” This process in not at all about shame and inappropriate guilt. It is about taking responsibility so we can learn to do the things that helps us move on beyond the reasons we are not managing our thoughts and feelings appropriately. Getting the help to make the needed changes is necessary. Getting help must be seen as a positive thing! It may be reading, talking with a trusted friend, having someone meaningful pray with us, participating in a support group or getting professional help. It takes “whatever it takes” to break out of these self defeating patterns and habits.

Years ago at a conference on “Discovering Your Giftedness,” the leader made the statement that “our gifts are buried down under our anger.” This was confusing and over the years I have thought a great deal about this statement. I would now also add, “…buried under our hurts, confusion, traumas, rejections, misguided thinking, fear, medical problems and on and on.” With out a proper view of our worth and dignity and a proper view of why we were created and why we are here, there is little energy, direction or reason to take the journey to a better place.

Truly value others. Truly value ourselves. To make matters difficult, as long as we are not appropriately using our thoughts and feelings we will not be able to meaningfully and effectively communicate with others-and some of these others may be the very ones we need to help us to see our true worth and dignity and to support us on our way. They may also be the ones we need to let go of so we can move on and make our needed changes. Even this letting go is not likely if we think with our emotions or feel with our thoughts.

In conclusion… I hope this simple presentation has planted some ideas, some hope, some directions that will encourage you to get started. There is only one place to start- where we are. Reach out, seek help and help others. Freely share this information and the resources on this site. And, blog us!

(The following item on this blog is about “Communication and Conflict.” It is simple but has the potential to be MOST helpful, especially if you read it often and do your best to follow the guidelines. There are some helpful materials listed under the “Resource” tab.)

2. Do not just complain, no matter how specifically: ask for a reasonable change that will relieve the problem.

3. Ask for and give feedback about the major concerns. This is to make sure you are heard and to assure your partner that you understand what he/she wants.

4. Limit yourself to one issue at a time. Otherwise you may skip from issue to issue, creating confusion and defensive reactions and evading the difficult and painful areas.

5. Do not be flippant, sarcastic or intolerant. Be open to your own feelings, and especially your partner’s.

6. Always consider compromise. Remember, your partner’s view of reality is just as real to him or her as your view is to you. There are not many totally objective points of view.

7. Do not allow “counter demands.” This is not a time to “get even,” “to build a case” or “clean out the emotional closet.” It is a time to resolve the original issue – only.

8. Never assume that you know what your partner is thinking. Check it out in plain language. Do not assume or predict how he or she will react or what will be accepted or rejected.

9. Do not “Mind Steal.” Do not take your partners thoughts and feelings and replace them with what you believe he or she should know or feel. Do not correct the other’s statements of his or her feelings.

10. Never put labels on your partner by name calling and making sweeping labeling judgments about his or her feelings, personality, abilities, physical features, etc. Wounding with words creates anger and defensiveness and makes caring feelings impossible.

11. Forget the past and stay with the here-and-now (for the present). Bringing up past issues “contaminates” the current issue, can stir hurt and “hot” emotions that are not related to the present. The decisions or changes that need to be made now can not be “retroactive.” (This does not mean that there are no issues from the past that need to be discussed and resolved. It does mean you can not do that and work on a current issue at the same time.)

12. Take time out. Do not escalate. Clearly agree that either person can call for “Time Out.” This call is not debated or discussed. Take a safe cooling off break. Your surface reactions may mask something deeper and more important. Time out only works if you always come back to the issue.

13. There is never a single winner in an honest resolution of a conflict. Either both win with more closeness and more trust or both lose with less closeness and less trust. Any resolution that leaves the relationship damaged has a loser.

14. This is not a try-out for the Jerry Springer Show!

(Adapted from George Bach)

On the “East End” of Burlington there was a small family café tucked away between Bell’s Shoe Store and Clapp’s Furniture Store. This café was operated by Nick Johnson and his family. Since we lived less than a half block from the café, as a child I often passed by, often went in and some times even bought something. It was usually a couple of cold, bottled Pepsi Colas, and on very special occasions, some hot dogs – all the way – slaw, mustard and chili.

One day when I was around eight years old I went in the café. As usual, Nick’s face was full of energy and excitement just as if some one really important had entered his little café. He showed great interest in how and what I was doing. His Greek accent made it seem a little magical. However on this day I was quiet and sad.

Nick came from behind the counter, squatted down directly in front of me and asked me what was wrong. Finally, complete with tears, I explained that my rabbit had died. He expressed sincere concern and attempted to console me. Then, totally out of the blue he asked this “knock the breath out of you” question. “Did you have a funeral?” Oh my, how in the world could I have failed to think of this? Eventually I said, “No.” He enthusiastically explained the importance of a funeral, how grand it would be and how it would make everything better. I was sold!

I quickly went home, got some of the neighborhood kids together, got a shovel, found where the rabbit had been buried and dug it up. After cleaning it the best we could we placed it in a proper casket, a card board box, and reverently placed it in my red wagon. Then we gathered together our tricycles and bicycles and decorated them with great artistic flare – mainly with toilet paper and wild flowers. Off we went around the neighborhood – the absolutely most grand funeral procession any rabbit had ever had in East Burlington. Returning to the original burial site, the dear bunny was placed in his final resting place, to truly be left to rest in peace. Everything felt so much better.

The years passed and Nick and the family closed the café. I would see him from time to time. Nick was always the same, delighted to see me, wanting to know how I was doing, how my parents were doing, and would give a strong and almost prophetic admonition to take good care of my good parents.

The years have really passed. Nick is gone. But what he left behind in the heart of a shy and uncertain young boy remains. What power his smile, his intense interest, his squatting down to be at eye level, his hugs, his just being Nick had for this little boy. Every child deserves at least one Nick and really should have quite a few. It does not cost any thing and it actually takes very little effort to treat children like Nick did.

“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.” Psalm 85:5

If someone asked you if you have set your heart on a pilgrimage, what would your answer be? If it is someone you do not know or respect you may think the person a bit “daft.”

Every Christian is a pilgrim. There are many images and understandings of the nature of this pilgrimage. Books like Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan give excellent imagines and allegories of a spiritual pilgrimage.

There are two central themes to our Christian pilgrimage. One is the sojourn as an alien on earth (I Peter 2:11 ) headed for Eternal Life, the true home. The other is the sojourn of the inner spiritual life of a Christian while on this earth. This is the spiritual transformation into the image of Christ, taking on the mind of Christ here on earth, in mortal bodies. Ultimately the two become one.

“There is the first thing – the bringing of the inner life under the control of the Holy Spirit by the perpetual discipline with which brings us back, day by day, to the remembrance and companionship of Jesus Christ. Upon that everything else depends, for if the inward life is not sound you cannot do much with the outer. More particularly as concerning the influence you exert on other people – in many walks of life your highest responsibility – everything will turn on the reality of the interior communion of your soul with Jesus Christ. Out of that will spring the power of the Holy Spirit in your life.” (William Temple, Archbishop of Canterbury, 1942-1944)

Our life on earth is not a “holding tank” for Heaven. It has great meaning and value to God. We are God’s creation living in God’s creation. As with the writer of Psalm 139, it gives us great comfort to know that even in the secret place of our physical formation God was present. How much more so does God desire to be present in our spiritual formation.

A journey or pilgrimage is an act of discovery – seeing what is there, that is not yet seen. It is not an act of creation. God gives gifts and God calls every Christian. It may seem like “bad news” that we do not get to pick our gifts and decide what God wants to call forth in our lives. It really is “good news” that the One who made us gets to do this for us. “I was under disquiet at the prospects of my future work abroad, encompassed with difficulties, but I trusted that I was under the guidance of infinite wisdom, and on that I could rest.” (Henry Martyn, September 23, 1803) Rev. E. Stanley Jones points out that our deepest will is exactly God’s will for us. So it is actually a win- win situation.

Our ability to rest, to even be intrigued and excited about what will be discovered on our pilgrimage depends on our view of God. For many this is where the issues of family and spiritual formation come face to face. If, in growing up, we did not acquire an understanding of the love, compassion and absolute delight that God takes in every one of us, then there are some very real barriers to this “resting” in God; and, to setting our hearts on pilgrimage with God. So for many, a part of spiritual formation is “relearning” or healing our image of God.

Our spiritual journey is not aimless, but directed. As Temple indicated, it is by the perpetual discipline which brings us back, day by day to Christ. These “means of grace,” or spiritual disciplines – such as prayer, worship, study, meditation, etc.. – can be seen as the tools of our spiritual formation. To a great degree our family – extended and nuclear – is a great part of the context of our formation. This is still true even when we do not interact with or live near our families. Family heritage, family genetics and family experiences are all woven into the fabric of our identity. This is certainly true for the children in our homes. Raising children to have a strong faith in Christ is a critical issue for Christian families. Regretfully, for some parents, this most glorious privilege can become one that is rigid and legalistic or discounted and even abandoned. The starting place for influencing someone else is always with self awareness and self growth.

There are many excellent recourses for helping everyone to be on a spiritual pilgrimage. “Relevant Planet” is a place where some of these resources will be shared and you will also have an opportunity to connect and interact with others as we all journey together.